THE STRESS OF LIFE AND TRYING TO FIND THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

So.... I have been really down lately. I don't know what it is. I know why, I have PTSD... I hate using that as an excuse to being a lazy depressed lout but it is what it is.... I am in school and I am so behind.... I know I have only been in school for 3 and a half quarters but what the hell. I have never done this poorly. the last three quarters I have made the dean's list twice and the president's list once. This quarter I will be lucky to get a B average.

Sometimes I hate the fact that I went into the army. I know it was good for me in some aspects but look at me now was the trade off worth it? I guess that is the million dollar question for me. All the pain I go through all the damn pills I have to take... Sometimes I feel like I am over the age of 55 or 60. I mean come on I am not even 30 yet. (less than 2 months).

I am not giving up I have come to damn far to do that I just wish I could get my head right (it makes things a whole hell of a lot easier!) for once and for all. I am going to make some appointments at this place in Tacoma called the Vet center and try and get into a group or one on one or some damn thing. I am also going to for the 4th time try and get on some new meds that don't completely F#*@ me up. Anyway, I guess that is enough bitching for one night see ya and thanks for listening.

School Dentist Homework Yardwork, AAAAAAHHHH

damn I am just so overwhelmed with stupid stuff that just makes me want to scream. When is it that life gets good and you can just live one day at a time and be happy and not worry about anything.... I want that to be life for me.... cause all of this day to day stress that just never goes away is driving me a little nutso....I mean I am not crazy but damn can it just stop for awhile. but besides all of that I am doing pretty well. I cannot wait for this quarter to be over then I will only have 3 more years until I will have a bachelors degree. Wow who would have thought me getting a degree from college, not me I can tell you that. Anyway, I need to get to class YA time for Anthropology one of the most boring classes I have ever been in. See ya later people

1st Posting

So here I am. Do you ever just feel like talking to a complete stranger and telling them how you feel? Well, I guess that is where I am at now. You are most likely a stranger if you are reading this and I feel like talking to you. I guess you should know a little bit about me. I am a veteran of war. Not in the sense like world war I or II. I mean I saw combat but it wasn't like what they saw yet I am still messed up in the head. I mean I am not crazy. But I do suffer from depression and bad dreams. I have a lot to explain but I don't feel the need to do it all right now. I will save some for later. When people ask me what it was like being in Iraq for a year I just tell them that it was bad it was scary but that doesn't seem to do it justice really. I mean how do you explain what its like not knowing if you are going to die everyday for a year. I can tell you its a feeling like no other feeling. It felt like it was never going to end. I know people go to jail for years or people live years and years but going to a place where people are dying and being hurt and you don't know if you are going to be one of those people it does something to you. Something that you cannot explain. At least I cannot explain it. The weird thing is some of these men and women have been to Iraq and Afghanistan numerous times. I don't know how they can take it. Am I a sissy because I have nightmares and problems and I have only been there once. I just don't get it. When will it end? What do I have to do to be normal again? So I guess that is enough info for my first post. I am hoping that this will help me to get through my hard times and make some new friends. Thanks for listening.
C.J.